34th BIRTHDAY POST What I Learned This Year
I turned 34 this week and thinking back on this year, it is filled with so many wonderful memories and so many emotions. I really took a look at my life and made big changes. Ok first a weird story though. Trigger warning: dead animals :( So for my 32nd bday Holden was 1 month old and we were headed out to go camping with my friends. The drive started out very traumatic and our car was shot at (only by a bb gun we think) but it was inches away from Holden’s head. We pulled over, I step out of the car, and there was a dead cat at my feet. I started bawling crying but then moved on with the day, changed out cars because the windshield was shattered, and went camping.
Fast forward to a year later and it is my 33rd bday. I step out in the morning to go get our trash cans and there is a dead cat in my driveway. I obviously start crying again and wonder what it is with me attracting dead cats on my birthday. I look it up and find that “seeing a dead cat spiritually can symbolize the end of a negative phase in life, transformation, and the need to let go of old beliefs or patterns.” I had been wanting to change so many things in my life but just didn’t feel like I could. It is so easy to get stuck in old patterns and be comfortable with what you know, even if it is harming you. But I finally made the changes that I needed to change after my 33rd bday and I can safely say that I didn’t have any dead cats on my bday this year :)
I changed so many of my habits this past year, which helped change my mindset and outlook on life. Changing certain habits made me really feel like a whole new person. I feel so much more at peace with myself and so much more aligned with who I want to be in this life. So here are the lessons that I learned this past year.
PUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST
Living in Denver and in 2024, there is SO much to do. Even the winters here aren’t relaxing and snuggly. And this is why I love Denver but it was starting to wear on me. It seems like everyone is running from something here. I would run myself ragged on the weekends, staying up late and binge drinking. I always had a lot of fun but I was getting so bored with this. I wanted more out of life. I didn’t just want to live for the weekends. But in the moment, it is always easier to just have the drink, then another, then another, then not feel 100% the next day. I was always in denial that I was hungover, but any drinking messes up your blood sugar, hormones, cortisol, emotional regulation, dopamine reward systems, etc.
Anyways, I wanted to enjoy every day. Not just the weekends where I looked forward to drinking. I wanted to feel my best every day! Also, I was so tired of playing catch up every week from the weekends. My mental and physical health would be STRUGGLING after binge drinking. I was stuck in that life for so long but I hit a wall and promised myself I would make changes for my mental health. I was struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety and living this life was the worst thing for my mental and physical health. I didn’t make the changes for my son or my husband, but for me. Obviously, the both reap the rewards, but I wanted to love myself enough to do the hard thing and put my mental health first. To say “no” in the moment to things that sound really fun so that I can feel real joy and happiness. I am not perfect, I am not fully sober, and I love a good party but after practicing what works for me, I know my limits and can say I wake up feeling great every day. And my brain thanks me :)
I promise that the healthier life feels so much better than chasing dopamine and cheap thrills. You get actual JOY from the healthy life. It isn’t easy but it gets easier.
WHAT DO YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT CONSTANTLY? CHANGE IT.
I was so tired of hearing myself complain about having hangxiety from drinking too much or being too tired to play with my son. It just created shame and disconnect and anxiety in my body and mind. I finally hit a wall and made the changes and they didn’t and still don’t come easy to me, but they are getting easier and easier. I wake up every day so freaking proud of myself! And that feels so good. Another example is how I have been trying to be a morning person and create a morning routine for the past 15 years and finally just got so sick of myself complaining about not having enough time for myself. I just did it! Again, so proud of myself for this too. Now I have my me time and can show up as my best self.
What are you tired of hearing yourself complain about day in and day out? Aren’t you tired of it? Do the hard thing and make the change.
STAY FLEXIBLE WITH LIFE PLANS
I really actually don’t make many long term plans for my life lol this drives my husband crazy but so many big changes have shaken up my life lately. I lost my job this year that I planned on being at forever. After I had my grieving period, I realized that life had a bigger plan for me. It was my turn to do something new. You sometimes have no choice for what is thrown at you so all you can do is have a good attitude about it and make the best of it. You can control life but you can control your reaction and attitude.
When life hands you lemons, feel your feelings and then get up and make freaking lemonade. You are learning something through this process that will make you so much stronger and wiser, I promise. It is all going to work out.
HEALING AND PROGRESS CAN BE SO SLOW
I thought that when I became a mom, I would just wake up a different person with none of the same habits that I had before. And I think this is true for a lot of people! Not me though. My habits got worse because of my ppd, lack of sleep, and stress. Obviously you know I went on a mental health journey this past year and it was such a slowwwww process for me to start feeling better. Again, sometimes this isn’t true for people so I don’t mean to discourage you but it can be the truth. This can be with physical health too or really anything that you are working on. You are eating healthy and exercising and you don’t see any physical results after 3 months and it’s so frustrating. My gut health journey has taken years BUT it is so worth it. All my journeys are worth it. Even though they are slow, I am still moving forward. I am still making slow progress.
Stay consistent. Stay focused. You are on the right path and you will see results. I promise.
LIFE ISN’T SO SERIOUS - DO THE SCARY THING
This one I am still working on. It is so hard to put yourself out there and record videos in hopes of helping people through wellness. I never realized that starting my own business would throw me into so much internal work. Alot comes up that you realize you don’t really like about yourself, so much cringe, so much self doubt and imposter syndrome, so little money, and so much work. Also, it is so easy to get influenced by other successful wellness teachers and think that what you are doing is wrong. But I know that I have a special mission, story and style that others will relate to. I know that if I stay true to myself I will thrive.
Be you. Whole heartedly you and no one else. The world needs your different perspective. And trying to be like someone else is so, incredibly boring.
I love you all! Thanks for reading 💖
