Slowing Down, Taking Breaks, Getting Sick
Hi friends - It has been a while since I poured my heart out in to one of these blogs so here we go! I recently had the worst cold. I was sick for 2 1/2 weeks and didn’t leave my room for 2 days which I have never done before. I am not even sure what I did during those days. I think I slept and was just in a foggy daze. My mental health has also been struggling during this pregnancy with OCD thoughts, depression, and insomnia (thank goodness for the Throne of Glass series that I read all night). Not to mention, my toddler was also sick, I am 22 weeks pregnant, my husband was gone for days at a time for work, and I have this immense pressure to make money in my new business. I don’t say any of this for anyone to feel bad for me, because I actually really don’t like sympathy but to just tell y’all the real story because I know so many of you are dealing with the exact same thing + WAY more on your plate! So after I felt bad for myself a little and had a few menty b’s, I was like I need a change. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right? And one thing I am good at is picking myself up and making the damn change.
“I am finding some peace in the fact that I will lose myself and discover new and old parts of myself over and over again.”
First things first, the easiest most impactful change I could make to have more peace in my life was to take a break from social media. I love social media. I love connecting with everyone on there. I feel so seen and really do make meaningful connections on there but my brain needed a freaking break. There is just so much noise on social media and you don’t realize how much it impacts your brain with the marketing, the messaging, the comparison; it all happens without you realizing it. I am not sure how your brain works but I constantly have thoughts looping through my brain so adding the noise of social media was not helping my peace. By day 2 of no social media, I legitimately felt so much less anxious. So simple. I definitely plan to take more breaks from social media now. I hope you do the same.
Next, I started to get so fed up with my mental health. I work so hard to stay mentally healthy and I just felt so defeated when dark thoughts started coming back. I kept trying to find a physical, concrete answer to why this was happening so I could fix it. My therapist reminded me how scientist and doctors are still finding out how much we don’t know about the brain. So if that is their one job and they are still learning the mechanisms of depression, then how should I know exactly what is causing mine?! I am learning to let go of that control, have faith, and surrender (and up my zoloft - THANK GOD FOR ZOLOFT). My therapist and I went back to loving those dark parts of myself and showing them grace instead of trying to shame them away. I am realizing that I may fall back in to these dark places but I know how to dig deep, do the hard work and inch my way out. It isn’t all black and white and we may not know the exact cause but it is a sign to come back to yourself, slow down, see what your body/mind needs, and make changes. I am learning to love my complex brain that makes me so inquisitive, hard working, and curious. I am learning that maybe I won’t always feel happy but if you do the hard work, you will learn about yourself in such deep ways that you will be grateful for the down times. I am continuing to learn and relearn how resilient we all are - being human is not easy! Now that I am starting to feel better mentally, I am finding some peace in the fact that I will lose myself and discover new and old parts of myself over and over again. I am going to continue to find peace and curiosity in this fact rather than fear. If we don’t do the hard work and dig in to the pain/discomfort of learning about ourselves and we continue to numb ourselves, the pain will come out in some form. I promise, we all have to do it.
Lastly, I have slowed down my life tremendously but apparently need to even more. I used to always get sick and I realized they were just forced breaks. I like to be social and my friends really fill my cup but I get swept up in all the chaos and won’t realize that I haven’t had a moment to myself in weeks. My last blog post was a wellness shot to stay healthy and I love the irony in this. I wrote that when I was so proud of my health. I didn’t get sick one time last winter and I have a kid in daycare! Then, I of course got sick - LOL from the universe. I was so angry at first then realized my body was telling me to slow down even more. I am growing a baby and I honestly forget that I am pregnant most of the time. I am so focused on my career and my family that it just slips my mind. And that makes me so sad! I know that most people in their second pregnancy feel the same but I want to feel this extra creative time that this baby portal is bringing me. I want to do extra long meditations and connect with little one. I want to enjoy this time as much as possible! My mom always said that she was so stressed raising kids that she forgot to live in the moment and enjoy herself. Let us not forget to enjoy and soak in the amazing moments life has to bring us! This can apply to us whether we have kids or not. We move so quickly in 2024 that we don’t even know what is happening! I want to remember these moments. I want to remember how I felt and the little things that brought me joy. I want to enjoy this life :)
I am working on some small boundaries with slowing down and taking breaks from the news/social media, but I think going forward I am going to have some week long breaks here and there. I understand we all still have to work but even taking breaks from being social and moving more inward has such a huge impact! And you know what - the world didn’t end and I am coming back refreshed.
Wow that was long! Thanks for making it to the end. Leave a comment please if you enjoyed this blog - I really do love writing them.
